• Mike Holtz

Here's What You'll Be Getting On The Newest Streaming Service 'Peacock'

Like tiny little bastard piranhas who you barely notice but are eating your bank account whole, streaming services are coming for your wallet in the form of easy to forget small monthly charges.

Okay, it's not that serious and most of them are great, but damn! Does anyone else get irrationally angry when they announce a show is going to be on 'CBS All Access'? Get the hell out of here with that shit CBS, you were always free!!!!!

Well, now NBC is getting in on the fuckery too with their new streaming service 'Cock'. *Checks notes* Excuse me, 'Peacock'.

Is it worth your money? Let us examine.

The service airs on April 15th if you are a Comcast customer and July 15th if not, which makes no goddamn sense. Isn't the idea here to get away from cable? Good to know cable providers are still a bag of restriction loving overpriced Satan dicks in 2020. Live your truth.

The service comes at multiple price points. "Peacock Free" comes with 7500 hours of programming with ads and is as the name suggests, free. 'Cock Premium' comes with 15,000 hours of programming also with ads at a price point of $4.99 a month. The same service with no advertisements comes in at a price of $9.99 a month.

So what's on this piece of shit? (Thanks to Screencrush for the list)

More than 600 films and 400 TV series

Every Saturday Night Live episode ever

Premier League soccer (starting in August);

The Ryder Cup (September)

Coverage of the Tokyo Olympics

New revivals of series like Saved By the Bell, Punky Brewster, Battlestar Galactica

Every episode of 30 RockParks and Recreation, and The Office (in 2021)

Stand up and comedy content from Kevin Hart

The Universal Pictures and DreamWorks movie libraries

Brooklyn 99 and Superstore

Every episode of Everybody Loves RaymondThe King of Queens, and Cheers

Every episode of Will and GraceMonk,The Kelly Clarkson ShowDateline, and Heroes

Select seasons of Top Chef

New episodes of Days of Our Lives

An original spy series called Intelligence starring David Schwimmer

Hitmen, a scripted comedy series starring The Great British Bake-Off’s Mel and Sue

Every episode of Two and a Half Men

Every episode of Xena, Warrior Princess 

Every episode of Murder, She Wrote

New seasons of the Curious George animated series

The vintage Masters of the Universe and She-Ra cartoons A MacGruber series from the creators of the movie

A new Psych movie (along with the original series)

Something I want to point out (which is why I made it bold, duh) are the mystery 600 plus films and the Universal Pictures and DreamWorks movie libraries. I have many questions. Obviously what are the 600 films and do those include the Universal and Dreamworks libraries? Most importantly, the entire libraries? At once or spread over time Netflix style?

Also what the fuck with the new episodes of Saved by the Bell, Punky Brewster and Battlestar Galactica? That could all go in two very different directions. Every episode of Saturday Night Live is quite new and I love me some Two and a Half Men. That sounded odd. You guys going to spring for the cock or what?

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