• Mike Holtz

JAMES BOND is a Man, 'Bad Boys III' is Good & The Baba Yaga is Coming to TV

Well, that escalated quickly. I decided to go the gym last night at around midnight because I'm antisocial and January at the gym is far worse than any putrid January horror film. Actually, name one good goddamn thing about January in general. It's cold? Eat me.

Anyways, I was up extremely late last night and somehow the kid didn't wake up either and we slept until 11AM miraculously, which is extremely rare. Point being is I woke up to three glorious action movie stories so I thought "It's turducken time." (A turducken is a turkey and a duck shoved inside of a chicken) Now, imagine John Madden as a Power Ranger screaming "Turducken Time!" as he morphs. I get weird when I get sleep. Let's do this.

Story #1: JAMES BOND IS A MAN?!?!?

I know. This is something you wouldn't feel like would be hot topic news but HERE WE ARE, 2020. You see, a few months back some news sites were misquoted when talking about Lashana Lynch' character in the upcoming 'No Time To Die'. She plays another 00 agent in the film. Like Sean Bean before her in 'Goldeneye'. Before that dick bag went rogue and got thrown into a big ass satellite.

But oh no, 2019 wasn't having that. The internet went wild with "THE NEXT BOND IS GOING TO BE A WOMAN! YOU HEAR THAT RON? THE WHOLE STATIONS IN JEOPARDY!" and then twice as many people as that screaming at those people calling them "women hating buttholes" (specifically). The internet is a piece of shit you guys.

Anyhow, in an interview with Variety the Bond producers Barbara Broccoli and Michael Wilson put that baby to bed, saying:

"He can be of any color, but he is male. I believe we should be creating new characters for women — strong female characters. I’m not particularly interested in taking a male character and having a woman play it. I think women are far more interesting than that."

Can I just say thank you? Let's create original badass characters for women instead of dismissing their worth by shoe horning them into already established franchises. Women can be kickass without having a male character establish the role first.

Imagine how watered down Ripley would have been had she replaced Arnold Schwarzenegger in a politically correct PR stunt to appease film Twitter accounts nobody actually listens to.

Men and Women are very different. They wrote books about it for God's sake! We're from different planets entirely! Venus and Mars to be specific. Men and women are different and James Bond is a man. I have no qualms with saying that. I mean, I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula!

Strike two points for the sane people today.

Story #2: 'Bad Boys III' is Good! (Well, if you listen to critics)

Huge fan of the 'Bad Boys' franchise here. It's loud, dumb and corny so we fit like a glove. That being said there have been multiple reasons I didn't have much faith in this third film. For one, Michael Bay isn't back in the directors chair and those movies were the epitome of what a good Michael Bay film needed to consist of.

Secondly, I heard Joe Carnahan left the production due to him and Will Smith clashing creatively and lastly the trailers just didn't look too spicy. Not to mention, does this entire thing work in 2020? The original was pretty goddamn 90's. I'm so fucking old.

Well, the reviews came in today and I can go have a coke and a smile. Possibly some Tropical Fruit Bubblicious. 'Bad Boys For Life' is currently sitting at a big fat fresh 84% on the Rotten Tomatoes meter. Now, I don't let Rotten Tomatoes dictate how I feel about a movies worth. I think it's bad for the overall landscape of movie judgement, personally because it takes out all the nuance and gives critics too much power.

That being said, usually when the aggregate score is positive for a film that doesn't have any political or social implications the critics are trying to propagate, it's a good sign overall.

The sites summation says: "Loaded up with action and a double helping of leading-man charisma, Bad Boys for Life reinvigorates this long-dormant franchise by playing squarely to its strengths."

Sounds rad. We'll have a review up here either on our youtube channel or podcast on Friday!

Story #3: New 'John Wick' TV Details

We'll get "quick to the point to the point no fakin" on this one (It's ok, Mom they are Vanilla Ice lyrics. No, I'm not on drugs. Again.) because I have a metric buttload of editing to get done today for our 'Hard to Kill' video.

John Wick is coming to TV in a new Starz show called 'The Continental' which will air sometime after 'John Wick 4' so that they don't mess with the film in any harmful way. Word is it could feature Wick himself from time to time! THE BABA YAGA! Hat tip on the news to Bloody Disgusting.

Hope you enjoyed today's action news! Be sure to sub to Revenge of the Action Movie and check out the "We Watched a Movie Podcast" anywhere you listen to podcasts for more shit like this!

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